Confusing times

Jesse and I have been through a lot this year. Our baby boy turned a year old and we decided to expand our family. Sounds like happy things right? Well it should be. Getting pregnant a second time has been harder than expected. Ergot pregnant on the first try with Samual. No serious complications and the result was a beautiful baby boy. Back in march of this year we found out we were pregnant again and thrilled! I announced it on facebook and started planning. A week later, I lost the baby....all of the sudden....just like that. And if that wasn't hard enough, I felt responsible to call close friends and tell them that we were not expecting anymore. That was the worst. That is why when we got pregnant again the following month we didn't tell anyone. Well I did tell a few people but not near as many. And it's a good thing too because a week later I lost that baby too. The thoughts were how could this be happening to me? What did we do wrong? We stopped trying for a few months to let my body and our emotions heal and this past month decided it was time and got pregnant again. I am apparently very fertile....well the most dreaded outcome occurred....we just had our third miscarriage. I've never felt this low. It like there is nothing to look forward to. I have a doctors appointment to figure out what is wrong, but I just want things to be normal.
I think the saddest part is that whenever we find out about a pregnancy no is excited, everyone is afraid. I think it is sad because when I think back at how happy and excited we were with Sam I will never be able to say that about the next pregnancy because I'm sure everyone will be worried.
Hoping to hear some good news at my doctors appointment.