The many hats I wear...

I actually don't wear hats but I do carry many different bags... And it's the same general idea. It's sometimes a tad overwhelming so some of them don't nessicarily get the attention they deserve. That makes me quite sad sometimes. I am a wife, a mom, a student, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. Not to mention a cook and a maid,

Since becoming a mom almost two and a half years ago, I have struggled to find a balance between wife and mom. I sometimes treat my husband as though he's another one of my children, and its mostly because, as a stay at home mom, I play mom all day and it's hard to turn it off. Jesse is quite understanding and I do appreciate his presence and conversation. Although I feel sometimes that he'll drive me crazy, I know for a fact I'd go crazy without him.

I'm now a mom of 2. Two BOYS! My everyday is consumed by them. My struggle? Making sure they both get enough attention. The attention they deserve. Jake nurses every few hours, and of course that is always when Sammy decides to tell me he's hungry or needs a diaper change, so he has to wait. Some days it fees like the only attention Sammy gets is when hes getting into trouble. And I'm sure the reason he's causing so much mischief is because he wants more attention. I try to keep my house nice and clean as well. So that is another thing that takes me away. If I don't keep at least the living room clean Sammy trips over the stuff on the floor and hurts himself. I'm working on spending enough time giving both of my boys the time and snuggles they need and deserve.

Did I mention that I'm in my second year of grad school? I feel as though I'm spreading myself too thin adding this to my life. My school work probably doesn't get the attention it deserves. I have weekly readings that, for the most part, don't get read. Skimmed over perhaps, if I'm lucky. I need to start on my proposal for my thesis and choose a committee but that has all taken a spot on the back burner. And the longer I leave it there the worse it will be. In a few weeks I'll need to add teacher to my list of bags that I carry. Oh lord. This load is getting quite heavy...

As a daughter and a sister who lives far away from her family, I do try to stay in touch. We use Facebook, facetime and phone calls. Plus 2 week long trips home a year. God bless FaceTime or i'd feel like a failure in this arena too. I do struggle to make sure I call my mother in law as well. Jesse is not a phone guy so that responsibility falls to me. But that's ok I love talking to my mother In law. It seems as though this is the only area where I have found a good balance.

Most of my friends live far away. So Facebook and phone calls are how we keep in touch. But I don't have a lot of time left after everything else, and when I do... I can't seem to time it right because I rarely get answers. So Facebook is where my friends live. Yet another part of my life I wish I could devote more time and energy to. But there's just nothing left of me. I have made many local acquaintances and one awesome friend. I find it difficult to even find time for them.

I feel bogged down sometimes with all the bags that I carry. They get heavy. In time, I hope, I can find a balance that I'm satisfied with. hopefully I can lighten my load.